yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
