she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
