I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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