He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
smell my finger.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
