Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
