Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
