Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
