i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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