nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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