Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
