thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
