Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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