We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
