and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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