11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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