I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
