just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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