I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
