we have officially lost it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
