she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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