my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
