wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
