I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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