Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
