in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
