we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
