I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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