I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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