i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
