this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My pussy is not your playground.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
