Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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