so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
