I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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