I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
