Porn is love you can see.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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