4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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