Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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