I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
