He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
