sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
