Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
