how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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