everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
