Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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