I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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