I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
