i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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