I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This is my gift to your gina
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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