Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
