not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
