90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
