my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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