so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
