Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
