The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
apparently the secret to your success is patron
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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